The UnWizard's Handbook

Friday, July 21, 2006

(Excerpt from the book What The Bleep Do We Know, pgs. 119-130)

Luke Skywalker, upon seeing Yoda lift his X-Wing fighter out of the swamp using only his mind: I don't believe it!

Yoda: And that is why you fail.

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How to Turn a Magician into a Toad

1. Convince people that they are NOT magicians.

Since everyone is a magician, if you convince them they are not, then that's what they'll be. In that case, read no further.

Antidote: Remember your greatness: You are already a Magician.

2. Teach the glories of becoming a victim.

Once magicians accept being a victim, they have relinquished their claim to creating reality. For victims, reality happens to them: It is unfair and never their fault. So they never have to look within where they will see their own creation.

Antidote: Accept responsibility for your life.

3. Confound and crosswire Belief Systems.

Belief is the engine of creation. Any glitch in the belief of a magical act will derail it. "Authorities" are very useful in this undertaking.

Antidote: Don't give power away to authorities and trust your own experience. Remember: Belief is the engine of creation.

4. Make New Knowledge scary and inaccessible.

New knowledge is the key that unlocks old belief systems and opens the door to greater and greater realities. Furthermore, knowledge strengthens one's belief in the true workings of the universe, thus empowering the Magician. Therefore, employ the most drastic of countermeasures: fear.

Antidote: "Seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you."

5. Make Magicians creepy and being a Magician dangerous.

Enlightened beings are magnetically radiant, and they seek to enlighten everyone. Removing them one way or another eliminates the problem and makes others weary of following in their footsteps.

Antidote: Find those that you can learn wisdom from and study.

6. Get them to Lie.

A lie is a disconnect with reality. It fragments the liars, thus making them a house divided. It also fractures the integrity of their belief systems, thereby rendering any magic they do petty. Therefore, make lying acceptable.

Antidote: On the verge of a lie, ask yourself: What's the worst that can happen if I tell the truth, and is that worth sacrificing my magical heritage?

7. And never look inside.

Although the last rule, it is the keystone to all the above. If people never look inside, they will never discover the truth about who and what they really are. Therefore, convince them that true happiness is out there.

Antidote: Don't listen - Look within.

Currently reading : What the Bleep Do We Know!?™: Discovering the Endless Possibilities for Altering Your Everyday Reality By William Arntz

The UnWizard's Handbook

Friday, July 21, 2006

(Excerpt from the book What The Bleep Do We Know, pgs. 119-130)

Luke Skywalker, upon seeing Yoda lift his X-Wing fighter out of the swamp using only his mind: I don't believe it!

Yoda: And that is why you fail.

--------------------
How to Turn a Magician into a Toad

1. Convince people that they are NOT magicians.

Since everyone is a magician, if you convince them they are not, then that's what they'll be. In that case, read no further.

Antidote: Remember your greatness: You are already a Magician.

2. Teach the glories of becoming a victim.

Once magicians accept being a victim, they have relinquished their claim to creating reality. For victims, reality happens to them: It is unfair and never their fault. So they never have to look within where they will see their own creation.

Antidote: Accept responsibility for your life.

3. Confound and crosswire Belief Systems.

Belief is the engine of creation. Any glitch in the belief of a magical act will derail it. "Authorities" are very useful in this undertaking.

Antidote: Don't give power away to authorities and trust your own experience. Remember: Belief is the engine of creation.

4. Make New Knowledge scary and inaccessible.

New knowledge is the key that unlocks old belief systems and opens the door to greater and greater realities. Furthermore, knowledge strengthens one's belief in the true workings of the universe, thus empowering the Magician. Therefore, employ the most drastic of countermeasures: fear.

Antidote: "Seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you."

5. Make Magicians creepy and being a Magician dangerous.

Enlightened beings are magnetically radiant, and they seek to enlighten everyone. Removing them one way or another eliminates the problem and makes others weary of following in their footsteps.

Antidote: Find those that you can learn wisdom from and study.

6. Get them to Lie.

A lie is a disconnect with reality. It fragments the liars, thus making them a house divided. It also fractures the integrity of their belief systems, thereby rendering any magic they do petty. Therefore, make lying acceptable.

Antidote: On the verge of a lie, ask yourself: What's the worst that can happen if I tell the truth, and is that worth sacrificing my magical heritage?

7. And never look inside.

Although the last rule, it is the keystone to all the above. If people never look inside, they will never discover the truth about who and what they really are. Therefore, convince them that true happiness is out there.

Antidote: Don't listen - Look within.

Currently reading : What the Bleep Do We Know!?™: Discovering the Endless Possibilities for Altering Your Everyday Reality By William Arntz

You...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Yes, YOU!

I can still feel you after all this time. Sometimes I take a trip through you. Through your eyes. Your heart beat. Through your blood stream. Out your breath. In and out of every molecule of your being. I can touch you as you do me.

Somedays, I can feel you looking out my eyes. I feel you sitting inside. I can smell you. Hear your voice. Feel your touch reassuring me.

I see you. The real you. The infinite you. You're so beautiful and so perfect. I see through your self-imposed burdens and limitations. I see through the personalities you've created. I know you like no other. I love you like no other. And I love you regardless of your self-loathing. Regardless of your fear. Regardless of the fall. And I forgive you for not remembering. I forgive myself for not remembering.

I sit holding your hand, waiting for you to remember the story that you told me. You sat with me holding my hand as I dripped with self-loathing, fear and despair. You waited Lovingly... Loving me.

It's excruciating. It's tramatizing. But, it's the most beautiful story ever told. And the end is just the begining. There is nothing to fear. I Am always with you as you are always with me. There is no separation. I Am in Love with YOU eternally.

Who Am I?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I'm reading the Book, What The Bleep Do We Know? I highly recommend it. I saw the movie and of course was like, I saw the movie, I don't need to read the book. Well, clearly I missed some things in the movie. Plus, it's so much information jammed into two hours, how can one possibly retain everything?

So one of the first things that I some how missed in the movie or that wasn't included in the movie was the part about Ramana Maharshi, the Indian sage who told his students that the path to enlightenment was summed up in: "Who am I?" Hellooo? I was playing that game at 6 years old. Odd. As children we're so tapped in and then time and experience pull us out. I remember asking my friends if they ever played that game where you lost all thought of who you were. Of course, none of them did or would admit to it. That was one of those times where I was like, Hmm...maybe I need to keep this stuff to myself.

What's also interesting is that he had an experience where he thought he was going to die. Well, I remember that around the time I started playing that game with myself, I had become obsessed with the eminent death of my parents. I cried myself to sleep every night for a week. I knew they would die someday and I couldn't deal with that. Well, one night I cried so hard that everything went black. Then all of these twinkling stars began to descend upon me. They all had consciousness. They were people. I knew they were my people. There was a lead star and he spoke to me. He said something like, "There's nothing to fear in death. This is what death feels like." Then all of the stars began glowing and I was filled with loving ecstacy. It was the most beautiful feeling I've ever experienced. Then it was over. I never obsessed about my parent's deaths again. I forgot about that experience for about 20 years.

After that experience... I'm not sure of the time frame (it was within the same year) an ugly thing happened (I don't need to go into detail) where I thought I was going to die. I was prepared for it. I even saw where I was going to be killed and my body dumped. But then, something completely unexpected happened... My would be killer, let me go. I was shocked. I knew I should've died. As I ran home I kept saying over and over to myself, I can't believe he let me go. I should've died. I saw it. I can't believe he let me go.

The point is that I accepted my fate at 7 years old. I wasn't afraid to die. But then I guess that particular fate wasn't to be mine after all. Huh... Maybe because I didn't have fear and I showed no emotion, killing me wouldn't have been any fun. He did seem disappointed. Maybe my experience with the stars saved my life. Who knows?

Sometimes I've thought that maybe I did die and I'm one of those spirits who doesn't know any better and I've created this life here. But then I've tried to levitate and fly the heck outta here... nope. Of course I wouldn't be fortunate enough! Nice try, I know.
So,I continued to occassionally play the Who Am I? game until about 11 years old. Not sure why I stopped...perhaps adolescence!

So Who Am I? Nothing and Everything and I'm okay with that!

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P.S. A flock of about 50 of the teenest birds I've ever seen just flew into the lemon tree and bushes out front... and just as quickly disappeared. I've never seen them before. So sweet!
Currently reading : What the Bleep Do We Know!?™: Discovering the Endless Possibilities for Altering Your Everyday Reality By William Arntz

Dating and my parental status questions answered

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Am I dating anyone? Why yes, funny you should ask. I AM dating someone. Shes foxy, passionate, intelligent, well read, plays and writes music, is into spiritual evolution, multidimensional travel, quantum physics and loves animals. Everything I could ever ask for. And I get to see her everyday, whenever I look into the mirror! (Hey, I'm a Leo what'd you expect?)

Do I have children? Why yes, I have a son. He's awfully cute too. I see him periodically. Lately, I've chosen to not remember our meetings. See, he's still on the other side. I haven't decided whether or not to bring him over and may never decide to. This isn't the best place for children you know. He says he's coming, but I don't know... I tell him he has to talk his father into it first! LOL

I propose a new etiquette with regard to these two areas... DON'T ASK!

First of all, my dear family and friends Don't you think I would tell you if I'd met someone after years of solitude and celibacy? (Less than 5 minutes does NOT count!)

Strangers, I understand that you are trying to make conversation, but you don't know me. You don't know anything about me or my past. What if I had lost a child? What if I wasn't biologically capable of having children? And Lord forbid, what if I just didn't want children? Sometimes I get a little irritated at the blank stares of disbelief and respond with something like, "God no! Why would I bring anything I loved into this world?" That always silences them.

I realize this is a part of programmed communication, but really its boring. Please, lets change the tape/CD on that one. I am fine being single. Others may not be fine with me being single, but that's Their Damage (thanks Kurls!) I'd rather have myself and have no partner than have a partner with whom I lose myself.

I know I am not alone. I have great friends (in many different worlds) and wonderful worldy and otherworldly experiences. I truly am at peace with myself. I can support myself financially, emotionally and spiritually. Also, I am still a sexual being. Just because I do not need another person for that doesn't mean I'm some dried up old...you get the point. I need no one. I love relationships, don't get me wrong. I'd rather be in love than not. Infact, I am in love, with the world. (Love you, MPAH!)

I think perhaps, my idea of a loving partnership is somewhat different from a lot of folks. I am not interested in some ridiculous karmic relationship. No you cannot re-enact your childhood drama with me. I'm going to live the real thing. I've already experienced it.

When I do meet the fellow of my dreams (I mean that quite literally) It will be because we are both ready and both want to experience True Love which knows no boundaries. (In all it's terror and glory.)

PATIENCE. I've been mastering it for the last few years and I've finally got the hang of it. This earthly deal is very, very short in the scheme of things. I'm not worried.

"He who has not patience, let him keep his hands from the work..."

P.S. I do love children and if you are bringing and/or have brought children into this world, then I am truly happy for you.

DNA portals & Seeing Dead People

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

I read an article about DNA wormholes and Portals. It's just like Dad always said. (I'm not kidding! He's always said that wormholes where inside us and all interdimentional travel is within.) So after reading the article, I woke up several times in the middle of the night. But I'm in a body, floating above my physical body which is still in the bed and I'm feeling a wave of different portals flowing through my entire body. I was like, "no, don't wanna go through that one. Nope. No, not that one". It was such a bizarre experience. It was like I knew where each one lead to, but they weren't any place I wanted to go at the moment. Maybe I was looking for one in particular. Of course, they are always two beings I constantly try to revisit! One I've been successful on occasion, the other no so much,but that's about to change.
An excerpt from the article is at the end of the blog.

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Next I dreamt about Mew. I couldn't see her, but she was moving things to prove that she was with me in spirit. There was an electrical cord that she was holding up in front of me. My mom and brother witnessed it too.

The night before I dreamt that A woman (A mysterious dream psychic. About 50, dark hair pulled back, a big gal.) was talking to me and petting Mew. I said, "You mean, you can see her?" Knowing she was in spirit. The woman was like, "Of course" and continued petting her.

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Next I dreamt that I could see dead people. I always wondered how it looked to be able to see into the spirit world with physical eyes and if you even could. I saw it has a lay-over. Like a transparency. The spirits were in black and white and it was a bit grainier. Their world was directly over the physical world which was in color. There were three guys together and then one guy alone. The three guys left the room and then I went over to talk to the lone guy. He was jacked up. I was thinking, Please don't let this be like a Medium or Ghost Whisper episode (not that I watch them) where I have to tell the guy he's dead. Of course, that was exactly what I had to do. It turned out he had been shot.I told him that he was lucky that he was dead, because there was a lot he could do and he would have a lot more freedom (I think the dream may have been inspired by an accident that happened last night a street over from my apartment. There was a bloody body laying in the middle of the street. I have no idea what happened and there was nothing in the paper. But the normally busy street was closed off for hours. Not a good sign.)

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So, this brings me to the most bizarre dream of the night, believe it or not. I dreamt of tree with a odd growth on it. It was a type of palm with a long floral thing hanging from it. It was swaying back and forth and playing with itself by batting the growths around. There was a big white one and and a smaller orange one. I woke up thinking it was an odd experience, because it was again, one of those vivid dreams. I've also never experienced an animated tree in a dream!
In waking life, I went to the Cove with my roommate today and we walked for over a mile and on the way back I looked up and saw the tree. It had the white flower thing, but not the orange. Still, it was the tree.

The thing is that I have not walked down that far in years, I had no idea that we were goin to go to the Cove when I woke up this morning and I don't recall ever seeing that type of tree. It's just weird that I dream of things (and there have been others I haven't blogged about) that I'm going to see in "real" life within 24 hours.

Why something so random? Was it random? I can't imagine seeing events before they happen. Although, there is one biggy I saw (all good) that I'm very patiently waiting for...I may have to wait until the afterlife, but I do know it's coming (it's already happened) and it makes this life all worth it!

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"...Russian scientists found that our DNA can open up communication links to other universes. These are the channels through which we have access to telepathy, remote viewing, or a state of revelation. Thelinks are called wormholes. They are tunnels that connect to other dimensions, through which information can be transmitted outside of our concept of linear time and physical space. The DNA attracts bits of information and passes the data to our subconscious which, if we are consciously aware and are receptive to it, surfaces into our conscious. In a positive state, the information provides us with intuitive insights that enhance our consciousness. These wormholes also allow us to enter a state of genius by tapping into "other worldly" information that sparks creative outputs like a masterpiece painting, a Pulitzer prize winning literary work, or a scientific breakthrough.However, these wormholes are also capable of causing disturbance. Once opened, the information from other universes still flows. The activated wormholes need to be deactivated, or it is possible that we can be remotely controlled via our DNA. It is one thing to accept intuitive information that works to our advantage. It is quite another to lay ourselves open to anything wishing to enter."

http://www.annebrewer.com/

Self Hypnosis and Mind Control

Monday, July 10, 2006

Okay, so after watching Derren Brown an English hypnotist/entertainer it really opened my eyes to how the power of suggestion, be it from an outside source or myself can completely affect my perspective of reality.

At the bottom of the blog there are links to some of Derren's videos. Warning: a lot of the other videos are conspiracy theory oriented. Personally, I choose to not tune into the Reptoids-are-taking-over-the-world channel. I'd rather tune into the I AM channel and continue OBSERVING a much more pleasant, loving, evolutionary path for us all. I haven't the time for fear.

In one of the videos, there are some gals who are each given a fork to hold. Derren suggests to them that the forks are begining to vibrate. Then he suggests that they are moving and bending. The girls are watching and giggling in amazement at how the forks are moving. Of course the camera just shows two girls holding two forks. Neither of the forks moving.
That really freaked me out. The fact that the mind can SEE things through the power of suggestion. Their perception and perspective were altered by his words. I started thinking along the lines of how my mind could be altering my perspective by the words I speak and the thoughts I hold every day. I immediately thought of these two books I read years and years ago. I stole them from my mom's psychological library. One was called Trance-Formations and the other Trances People Live.

Basically, they both talk about how sometimes we recreate our childhood tramas over and over again in our adult life through a sort of self-induced trance state. The goal is to reprogram the mind and step out of that trance state. (Gawd, why why why does it always come back around? ARG!)

It's not simply that we create our reality with our thoughts, we also hypnotize ourselves into reliving an event or believing that "reality" is ours forever.

I started realizing that every morning when I begin to wake up, the first thing I say to myself is, "I'm so tired!" Well, that right there...hypnotizing myself. I say it several times in fact and ya know what? I'm damn tired. So, as a test I've started to say (AND I SAY THIS VERY WILLFULLY. Not passive at all!) I say, "I am wide awake and excited and ready to start my day. I have more than enough energy to get me through the day." So far, it's been working. I'm willing myself to have better dream recall, too. Instead of saying, "Oh, I don't remember my dreams this morning". I say, "I remember my dreams in every detail." And sure enough, the memories pop up. sometimes right away, sometimes later in the day.

This "thoughts create reality thing" I know it's true on a deeper level now. But, I think everyone seems to make it seem so simple. Like, turn it over to God, the Source... Yes, turn it over, but you really need to be WILLFUL and convincing!

It is challangeing to say the least, when trying to change the firing of your synapses! Again, that takes WILL to redirect! I don't care what anyone says. It's a workout! Think of the man in The Secret, who beyond all odds, is not only able to breath on his own again, but able to walk and talk too. He didn't just lay in that hospital bed and say, "okay God, it's up to you." Passive... No, he WILLED it with EVERY OUNCE of his being.

When I do my affirmations now, I don't do them half-assed, half-asleep like I used to. I really focuse and feel. I am determined.

As I was walking downtown the other day I heard a man's voice behind me say passionately, "Don't give up! Don't even waiver!" He was talking to a woman who didn't seem to see the power in his words. I was like, "I'll take that power...thank you!" That's what it takes to make things happen and especially to change current programing.

I was also reading a bulletin that was talking about the possibility that DNA can be influenced and reprogrammed by words and frequencies. (I've always thought music could! Which, is both frequency and language.)

Another thought on all of this is the idea that the one thing that we use to determine our reality (our mind/consciousness) is intangible. With all of the things I've experience within myself and without, it's a labrynth! Everyone has a different answer to what I have or have not experienced. The end result is that I can either learn to trust and love myself and the plan I have created and KNOW beyond a doubt that I have lovinly chosen the best path for me. I know what I've experienced. I know I'm fortunate to have had the experiences even if they were all in my mind, then again, isn't every thing?

You know, I want to run off and see the world, but I know that I will eventually have to return to the very place I left. The only thing that can bring me peace, right now, right here, at my current job, in my current home is self-love. And one of the things I need to do to become more self-loving is to change-up some unproductive, hypnotic patterns and perspectives.

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P.S. HA! I failed the test on the Channel 4's website, because I knew what he wanted me to pick and chose another, same with the cards, I noticed his hand signals! Yeah, hopefully I wouldn't be one of the people raising my hand out of nowhere in middle of the mall! Guess, the tramatic childhood experiences are good for somethings! LOL! Also, I never watched T.V. during my formative years. And, I sure as hell don't watch it now that Invasion's been cancelled!

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Derren's videos...scroll down to the player and then click on Mind Control and Mind Deprogramming from the menu.

His videos are the first two.
http://www.mind-deprogramming.com/

Other clips...
http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/M/mindcontrol/video/index.html

The Unicorn of the Sea!

Friday, July 07, 2006

I dreamt I was standing by a flowing river with two others, one male one female. We were watching these sea creatures swim by. The were migrating. The water was clear, so we could see them perfectly. I can't recall all of the different types of creatures, but one creature was a combination between an elephant and a manatee. They were huge with an elephant head, trunk, big ears and a manatee body! They were so cute!

Then the fellow was standing too close to the edge, but just as we were telling him to step back, a horn came shooting up outta the water. We screamed in excitement, "A narwhal!".

Then there was something about the narwhal having a cat, but that's all I recall for now.

Oh, the creatures in the stream of my subconscious...gotta love 'em.

Moore dream recall & The 12 Conditions for a Miracle

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Goodness, I remembered more dreams as the day went on. First I have to mention how I woke up in the middle of the night two nights ago, not feeling so well. I had all of this sacred geometry art in my head. It was too much. Then I saw an image of a eerie white mask of a human face laying on a red background. Long story short...Later that day, I was cruising around of myspace and found an interesting video on human consciousness/quantum physics and that image was in the video. Except, that the mask had eyes and there was a little bit of blue and green in the background. But red was the most prevelent color.

Even if that is a common image. It's interesting that I would have a vision of it hours before I would actually see it in the physical. Also, the movie was by a company I had never heard of. Very indy, to say the least.

====================
So I remembered a dream in which I was being shown how to raise my physical energy. Something that I've been lacking lately! I was shown exercises, only one of which I remember. I was told to stand with my legs apart and to windmill my arms across the front of me, both forward and back. I had been doing something like that in "real" life, but I was swinging my arms straight ahead and straight back. I've tried it and it definitely gets the heart pumping more.

I was also shown a man who had something wrong with his foot. It was broken or something. Anyway, "they" (I have no idea) were healing him. 2 days later, he was completely healed. They told me that if he would've believed 100hat he would've been healed instantaneously. And that all healing is instantaneous.

I also saw a fellow who kept morphing infront of me. I told him I didn't like his blue eyes and to make them brown and he abliged. Then he was too young, then too old. I was in a room and I was sticking my hand out trying to reach him as he was morphin... I'm such a freak...

=====================
So I've been reading The Twelve Conditions of a Miracle. I really like it. In fact, it has inspired me like you would'nt believe!

I have been meaning to clean my closet, which has become a storage unit (I know, I know so symbolic) for over a year. After reading about blockage and stagnation and how important it is to keep the energy flowing in my life, I had a mini break down.

I had to admit how blocked I am in SEVERAL areas of my life, one being creativity. That one kills the most, because it's not up to anyone except myself and my relationship with The Source! Ouch!

So I accepted that I have several dams that need to be torn down. Thank goodness, some part of me took over and busted out 8 hours on the 3rd of cleaning and tossing out stuff. I donated 4 garbage bags of clothes and sewing material. I also got rid of an overflowing banker's box of books. I had been saving them for friends...well, now there are out in the universe just waiting for the right person to come along. I realized I didn't have faith in the books getting to the right people.

I still have so much stuff to get rid off, but mostly stuff I'm not ready to get rid of yet. AT least everything is contained. I spent $75 on storage bins at Target. I got $25 for some of the books, though!

Anyway, so the book is interesting. I had never realized the part about "going to the desert" to ask and visualize. I think I'm getting the meditation thing now. It's not just about clearing the mind, it's about clearing my personality too! It's the whole "Who am I?" thing. All along I had it, but didn't know what it was for! Goodness...

I also had to admit that I'm not as balanced femine/masculine as I thought. I really thought I was balanced with regard to previous lifestyles etc... But I need to tap into the guy more to be less reactionary and emotional (not that guys can't be emotional). I think it was my inner guy helping me clean up and throw shit out. I wasn't doing it out of fear. I was doing it because I really had the desire to treat myself well. It's the kindest thing I've done for myself in a while.
Another important lesson was that I should never expect anything back from anyone I give to or reach out to, but that The Source WILL provide for me in return. That's a big thing for me. "But I reached out to them. But I did this, that and the other thing, and no response..." Glad I can cross that one off my wonderment list.

The one thing I'm uncertain of is that in this book, the author says to NOT be specific when asking for things. Every other book or movie I've seen says to be as specific as possible, but to be open to outcome. So, I'll have to meditate on that one and see what answer arrives. Maybe I'll dream the answer.

All right that's all for now. Remember, "When things are good, say good things. When things are bad, say twice as many good things."

Currently reading : The Twelve Conditions of a Miracle By R. Todd Michael Release date: By 09 September, 2004

Moore dream recall & The 12 Conditions for a Miracle

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Goodness, I remembered more dreams as the day went on. First I have to mention how I woke up in the middle of the night two nights ago, not feeling so well. I had all of this sacred geometry art in my head. It was too much. Then I saw an image of a eerie white mask of a human face laying on a red background. Long story short...Later that day, I was cruising around of myspace and found an interesting video on human consciousness/quantum physics and that image was in the video. Except, that the mask had eyes and there was a little bit of blue and green in the background. But red was the most prevelent color.

Even if that is a common image. It's interesting that I would have a vision of it hours before I would actually see it in the physical. Also, the movie was by a company I had never heard of. Very indy, to say the least.

====================
So I remembered a dream in which I was being shown how to raise my physical energy. Something that I've been lacking lately! I was shown exercises, only one of which I remember. I was told to stand with my legs apart and to windmill my arms across the front of me, both forward and back. I had been doing something like that in "real" life, but I was swinging my arms straight ahead and straight back. I've tried it and it definitely gets the heart pumping more.

I was also shown a man who had something wrong with his foot. It was broken or something. Anyway, "they" (I have no idea) were healing him. 2 days later, he was completely healed. They told me that if he would've believed 100hat he would've been healed instantaneously. And that all healing is instantaneous.

I also saw a fellow who kept morphing infront of me. I told him I didn't like his blue eyes and to make them brown and he abliged. Then he was too young, then too old. I was in a room and I was sticking my hand out trying to reach him as he was morphin... I'm such a freak...

=====================
So I've been reading The Twelve Conditions of a Miracle. I really like it. In fact, it has inspired me like you would'nt believe!

I have been meaning to clean my closet, which has become a storage unit (I know, I know so symbolic) for over a year. After reading about blockage and stagnation and how important it is to keep the energy flowing in my life, I had a mini break down.

I had to admit how blocked I am in SEVERAL areas of my life, one being creativity. That one kills the most, because it's not up to anyone except myself and my relationship with The Source! Ouch!

So I accepted that I have several dams that need to be torn down. Thank goodness, some part of me took over and busted out 8 hours on the 3rd of cleaning and tossing out stuff. I donated 4 garbage bags of clothes and sewing material. I also got rid of an overflowing banker's box of books. I had been saving them for friends...well, now there are out in the universe just waiting for the right person to come along. I realized I didn't have faith in the books getting to the right people.

I still have so much stuff to get rid off, but mostly stuff I'm not ready to get rid of yet. AT least everything is contained. I spent $75 on storage bins at Target. I got $25 for some of the books, though!

Anyway, so the book is interesting. I had never realized the part about "going to the desert" to ask and visualize. I think I'm getting the meditation thing now. It's not just about clearing the mind, it's about clearing my personality too! It's the whole "Who am I?" thing. All along I had it, but didn't know what it was for! Goodness...

I also had to admit that I'm not as balanced femine/masculine as I thought. I really thought I was balanced with regard to previous lifestyles etc... But I need to tap into the guy more to be less reactionary and emotional (not that guys can't be emotional). I think it was my inner guy helping me clean up and throw shit out. I wasn't doing it out of fear. I was doing it because I really had the desire to treat myself well. It's the kindest thing I've done for myself in a while.
Another important lesson was that I should never expect anything back from anyone I give to or reach out to, but that The Source WILL provide for me in return. That's a big thing for me. "But I reached out to them. But I did this, that and the other thing, and no response..." Glad I can cross that one off my wonderment list.

The one thing I'm uncertain of is that in this book, the author says to NOT be specific when asking for things. Every other book or movie I've seen says to be as specific as possible, but to be open to outcome. So, I'll have to meditate on that one and see what answer arrives. Maybe I'll dream the answer.

All right that's all for now. Remember, "When things are good, say good things. When things are bad, say twice as many good things."

Currently reading : The Twelve Conditions of a Miracle By R. Todd Michael Release date: By 09 September, 2004

Okaaay, There's a Whirling Rainbow Prophecy...

Wednesday, July 05, 2006 (oops posted in the wrong order)

Who knew? I sure as hell didn't. It's also sometimes called the Rainbow Warrior Prophecy. I was researching the symbolism of the indian with the swirling rainbow lights around him...
Well, before I even started that search, I was reading a recall of a close encounter with a ufo where the ship had swirling rainbow lights around it. I thought that was odd. So it prompted me to Google, Indian and swirling rainbow.

Here's an excerpt...

"The Whirling Rainbow is the promise of peace among all Nations and all people. The Rainbow Race stresses equality and opposes the idea of a superior race that would control or conquer other races. The Rainbow Race brings peace through the understanding that all races are one. The unity of all colors, all creeds working together for the good of the whole, is the idea that is embodied in the Whirling Rainbow. When all pathways to wholeness are respected by all cultures, the prophecy of the Whirling Rainbow will be completed.

When I lived in Mexico and worked with the Grandmothers, the Dreamtime Buffalo Society, or Sisterhood, had many prophecies derived from Seers and Dreamers that had come down through the ages. The prophecy of the Whirling Rainbow was very specific. When the Time of the White Buffalo approaches, the third generation of the White Eyes' children will grow their hair and speak of love as the healer of the Children of the Earth.

These children will seek new ways of understanding themselves and others. They will wear feathers and beads and paint their faces. They will seek the Elders of the Red Race and drink of their wisdom. These white-eyed children will be a sign that the Ancestors are returning in white bodies, but they are Red on the inside. They will learn to walk the Earth Mother in balance again and reform the idea of the white chiefs. These children will be tested as they were when they were Red ancestors by unnatural substances like firewater to see if they can remain on the Sacred Path.

The generation of Flower Children have moved through this part of the prophecy and some have remained on the Sacred Path. Others were lost for a while and are now returning to the natural way of being. Some were disillusioned and have forgotten the high ideals that gave them life when their hearts were young, but others still are waking up and quickening into remembering.

Grandmother Cisi would look at me with her obsidian eyes piercing my soul when she spoke of the Whirling Rainbow Prophecy, and I would feel my heart skip a beat and then fill with promise and love. She would tell me about the return of the Buffalo to Turtle Island and how the herds would once again be numerous. After the time when the Buffalo returned, the generation following the Flower Children would see the dawning of the Fifth World of Peace."
Whirling Rainbow Prophesy Source

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Suddenly I'm remembering an astral experience when a white owl flew down to me and turned into the head of a gypsy woman with a turbon on. She told me somethings that seemed irrelevent and so I asked her about my husband. She said, "Why do you want to know about him?" Then discusted she said, "The thing is that red and white have never gotten along. You cannot do things just because he does them. If he smokes, you do not need to smoke, If he drinks, you do not need to drink..." That's all I remember. The "red and white have never gotten along" is what stuck with me. Which one of us is red? Don't think I've met him yet...we'll see.

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so I've been trolling around the internet and discovering that things I've experienced and have been experiencing are almost achetypal in nature. I find it both disturbing and relieving all at once. It gives my experiences validation, yet, am I prepared for that? Do I really want it all to be "real"? Of course I do. I've definitely reached the point of no return. And no matter how much I've tried to talk myself out of things, my gut won't let certain things go. I feel as if I'd be breaking my promise to never forget and to never give up...whatever that means...

===============-----
I did have a prophetic dream this morning. I dreamt that a client cancelled her appointment for today and that I was really pissed off at her. I awoke wondering why I dreamt of her and why I cared that she cancelled. Well, guess what? She called and cancelled, but I wasn't the least bit upset. I knew for a fact that she would cancel. There wasn't a doubt in my mind.
Pointless... babystuff. Why not something more exciting? Except, no Kurls getting swept up in a tornado...(At least I saw it set you down safetly P ;) And you were! Phew!)

Happy Independence Day! The Indians Are Back!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

(*&&^S&*(* Mercury Retrograde! Hate it! I just finished my blog and my computer crashed before I could post it! It's bad enought that I'm a Gemini rising, it's retrograde in Leo! BASTARD!

Okay, Let me get back to the blog...

This morning as I was waking, I saw an image of a Native American Indian. He was gorgeous, well over 6' tall, muscular with long black hair. All he was wearing was a loin cloth and some beads. I can't remember if he had moccasins on. Anyway, he didn't have any feathers or paint and he was standing with his right leg bent and raised. A stream of multicolored lights (a rainbow) swirled about him. He was in a trance and his eyes had a glow to them. The lights were so bright and beautiful. I wasn't at all afraid of the Indian's intensity, just facinated.

After waking and walking around for a few minutes, I realized how ironic it is that I would see a True Native American on America's Independece day.

I go through periods where I'll dream about Native American Indians. I take it to be a good thing. They're always giving me advice, in a humorous sort of way. Sometimes they just show me things, like how a rain dance works. I'm excited. I hope this means, there baaaack.
I'm going to have to research and see if I can decipher the image.

Mothra

Saturday, July 01, 2006

It's amazing how a sudden movement or observation will trigger a memory of a dream.
I saw something fly by out of the corner of my eye (I think it was a damselfly), and I suddenly remembered that I dreamt of a huge moth. It was a pretty one with a 6-7" wingspan. This fellow and I were trying to get it to fly out the window, but it kept smashing into it. Finally, I cupped it ever so gently in my hands, lifted it to the window and it flew off.

Dream symbol: mothmoth, mothsInterpretation:Emerging from a period of darkness or depression and moving towards light or enlightenmentTransformationSomething that is decayed, worn or outdated, moth-eaten

Dreams of Violation and High Healin'

Saturday, July 01, 2006

AHH! The last few days, I'm had a couple of disturbing dreams.

In the first one, I was walking to a parking lot to get my car when I noticed someone inside my vehicle! I was slightly disturbed to say the least. Supposedly he had a warrant to search my car. So I went to the Lieutenant or Captain...don't remember the title, a female, and asked to see the proper paper work. She just smirked and said she didn't need it under these circumstances. I was furious. I knew I wouldn't get through to her. I woke up wondering who the hell was going through my vehicle and also knowing that I have nothing to hide.

This morning I dreamt that I was going to go to a movie, I can't remember which one, but that I was also doing laundry with a friend. It was a soldout show, but we had bought our tickets online so we were thrilled to be getting in. We had other friends wait in line while we went off to start the laundry. Of course, something happened with the laundry and we ended up missing the movie.

Other things happened where I had to leave my friends to finish the laundry while I ended up walking around some strange village getting dirty. I fell into a huge puddle of mud and slime. Anyway,by the time I made it home,my friends were just showing up. It turns out that they left my laundry at the laundry mat! They brought there's back. I was so mad, because I had been running around doing things for all of us. Not only was I filthy and my laundry left behind (hmm...maybe not a bad thing after all) but my car was too (The symbolism is becoming clearer). I yelled at one friend and told her that she had to drive me back and get my laundry and my car with me.

Next I was taking a bath, fully clothed (I have no idea!). It was like half the size of a bath tub long ways, if you can imagine that. And people kept coming in a sitting too close or trying to get into the tub with me. I was like, "Step off!" Then I realized that I was fully clothed and filthy and I wanted to take my clothes off to wash up, but this fellow wouldn't leave. (dream dude, no one in "real life")

I don't remember anything but rage after that. Of course, as I'm typing this, the symbolism is becoming clearer. LOL! Maybe it wasn't as "bad" a dream as I thought.
The main thing with both of these dreams was rage and furry for somebody else not respecting my vehicle, my space or my belongings. At least the emotions haven't stayed with me. Phew.

==================
In between the above mentioned dreams. I dreamt that I was climbing something. I was about to give up because I was having to use all of my upper body strength to pull myself up. I got to a part where I had to literally lean back to climb up and I was like, "I can't do this". Then my dad who was with me (I take it to be symbolic of the masculine aspect of The Source) pulled out a map and showed me where I was. The map was a picture of a high heeled shoe! I was just one or two pull-ups from the top and then it would be all down hill. With that knowledge, I easily pulled myself up to the top. If he hadn't showed me how close I was to the top, I would've quit.
So he told me to go on without him and my sister Nyonna, who was now with us and ready to give up herself. I tried to tell her how close she was but she wouldn't listen. I wanted to stay and leisurely finish the course (it was an obstacle course...no surprise there!). But he insisted that I was making good time and should run ahead. I said, "But, you've got the map".
Anyway, I ended up leaving and getting lost several times and turned out that I didn't make that good of time after all! I was irritated that I listen to him and that I tried to compete with the other participants. I just wanted to enjoy myself.

So all this other stuff happened and at the end,I was watching (out-of-body) this boy who was talking to a bicycle builder (whatever they're called) and the builder was asking him what type of bike and what features he'd want if he could have his dream bike. The boy described everything in great detail. (reminds me of The Secret, kind of...the boy and the bike.)
Next, I saw the boy at home opening a package. It was not only a custom made bike, but a cycling outfit as well! The boy was thrilled, because the builder never said the bike was for him. He had pretended to be asking him questions just for his bike business in general.
So the boy was thrilled with this one-of-a-kind custom made bicycle. Then he put on the outfit and let out scream of excitement and yelled as he was rolling around on the floor, "And it's got heels! It's got heels!". The end.

Hard to ignore heels. Perhaps it's Heals!

I wonder if others bare "witness" in there dreams as much as I do. Oh, and the boy of course was cute with brow hair, brown eyes. Perhaps my animas as a boy?
Keeps me entertained.

HUMMINGBIRDS!!!

Friday, June 30, 2006
I am absolutely in LOVE with hummingbirds. I've blogged about them before, but...so what!
They have such a magical energy. It's so Loving. And now...clearly they are telepathic. I was at work talking on the phone to Kurls and I saw one of them go to the feeder. I thought it was a girl and so I said to Kurls, "oh, it's a girl, they never come up to the window to say hi." Just then the cutie flew right up to the window and hovered, saying hi to me. I could see that it was a boy because of the coloring(oops, my bad.) He did a little flip hovered a "Hello" again, hovered a bit more and flew off! I was like a little kid screaming in the phone to Kurls, "he's at the window!" Waving at him, "Hi cutie! Hello!" He knew! He was like, "Excuse me, but I'm a BOY and I do say hi to you all the time!" I LOVE HIM!

He's an Anna's hummingbird. Gorgeous, no? They are such Lovers!

OMG! Now the Ruby Throated Fellow came up. I opened the door and he just flew up to it like he was coming in. One of these days, one of them's gonna fly right in to say, Hi. I just know it!
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Okay, after more research, the second one, may have been a female Anna. They can have red spots...Hmm...must get a closer look.

Chirp sample: http://www.mschloe.com/hummer/anhu3.wav

Ever woken up not knowing who you were?

Sunday, June 25, 2006

I did today. It was kinda cool. It was like when I was a kid and used to play my game Who Am I? (I'd ask myself that question over and over until I lost all conscious thought of who I was.) I woke up not thinking of myself as Jennifer. Not even thinking of myself as female or male. The most interesting thing was that I had no dread. I wasn't even tired. I immediately thought that, too...Wow, waking up without the burdens of Jennifer makes getting up in the morning easier! LOL.

Then Jennifer slowly crept back in. Then suddenly I was tired and not wanting to get out of bed. I wonder what it would take to leave Jennifer's burdens behind. What if we all operated out of the present moment with no past and no future. Without our adapted personalities to hold us prisioner. Hmmm... Just a thought

My Parallel Life with Kurls

Saturday, June 24, 2006

I came home exhausted from work, as I have the last week and attempted to nap around 5:00pm. (I don't think I've been getting REM sleep. Not sure why, but my sleep and dreaming have been shallow for the most part.)

As I drifted off, I saw a couple dressed in robes walking. There was a baby, maybe a year old being carried on the father's shoulder. The baby had a turbon on. He turned and looked at me and winked. I knew this nap was gonna be special!

The next thing I knew, I was under a huge cypress tree. A Lealand Cypress to be exact. It was an Alice in Wonderland type place. The tree was huge and I was looking around underneath it. It was in the middle of a walkway to a house. It was raised so you could sit underneath it. There were benches on either side and a strand of lights with blue and green fairies on it in the tree. I was in awe of the magnificent tree. It was so vivid, so were the lights. I went over and touched them and studied them for a moment. I was saying to myself, I'm going to come here and sing my songs under this tree. I'm sure the owner of the house won't mind.

Mew was with me! (she was almost always in my dreams er...ah...travels when she was alive on earth. I'm so glad to have her as a traveling companion again!) She, being the naughty girl she is, snuck into the house where there was another cat. I thought for certain that she would get into a fight, but when I called her, she came right out. I halfway fell into a swimming pool on the side of the house as I was calling her, but I managed to pull myself out.

Next thing I knew I was sitting with Kurls by the side of the house. She had long dark brown hair and was dressed in like an 18 century dress. It was a shiney navy taffeta thing. She didn't look at all like her self on earth physically. she was cute though. Very girly. I have no idea what I looked like. I told her that something had called me down from the mountain and I asked her if she knew what it was. She told me that she and her boyfriend had done a banishing ritual on me, so that she would forget about me. I yelled at her (not in a mean way) saying, "That's what did it! Don't you know what you RESIST PERSISTS!"
I told her that I wanted her to come back with me to the mountains and live near me and my husband. But, she became angry and then we both started sobbing. It was so awful. I haven't felt that much emotion in a looooong time. I have had that happen in dreamtime experiences before with both Kurls and a couple of different guy friends...the intense sobbing. I woke up during the sobbing thinking, Good God no wonder I've been so exhausted. All this has been going on somewhere else! And I guess we'll always love eachother this intensly! I felt completely refreshed.

There are a few people(5?) that I've dreamt of or experienced as having other relationships with in different time periods or different dimensions. Interesting to note that kurls is the only gal and the only one to continue a friendship with me here...and my brother of course. Though sometimes it's like pulling teeth with him!

When I told Kurls of the dream experience she said, "Of course Mew was there and of course, we live a parallel life in Narnia with unicorns!". That's why I love her!

MUSIC - From a Whisper to a Scream!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

It's truly amazing how music can transport a person from the depths of despair to the heights of ecstacy within seconds.

I was feeling so physically ill today.. So out of it and knowing that thinking and feeling such things is showing me how out of alignment I am with myself and the things I desire. Then, my best buddy Kurls sends me a link to all of this beautiful music from the 80s! I know that every generation thinks that their music was the best. But honestly, something happened in the 80s. Music transformed beyond what had gone before. I don't see that happening now. I see it cycling back around because there's nothing NEW. I am sooo glad that I could experience a lot of it first hand in the fabulous industrial city of Chicago!
Damn, it totally changed my energy from zero to the speed of a hummingbirds wings!

When I hear this music. I KNOW who I am. There is no doubt in my mind as to who I am and the power I posses. I feel truly alive, understood and in Love with the world. My wish is to feel this strength, Love and certainty continuously throughout the remainder of my experience on this planet.

(Sigh) And I sooooo miss those pretty-girly-industrial-goth boys. There were straight ones then...or at least straight for the most part!

Whisper To A Scream (Birds Fly) - Icicle Works

Love comes, down upon us
Till you flow like water
Burning, with the hope of insight
Feathered, look they're coveredwith a bright elation,
Stolen, in the sight of love

We are, we are,we are but your children,
Finding our way around indecision
We are, we arewe are ever helpless,
Take us forever,A whisper to a scream

Birds fly, in the eyeof the faithless daughter,
Broken, at the bitter end
Wasted, sacrificed for a new Nirvana
Night time, sends us on our way

We are, we are,we are but your children,
Finding our way around indecision,
We are, we arewe are ever helpless,
Take us forever,
A whisper to a scream

In the Flow of the Stream of Divine Operation.

Literally, 5 minutes after my last blog about the cup dream I decided to continue reading a book I had set aside for a few days. It's called Your Invisible Power By Genevieve Behrend.

Here is a paragraph that inspired her from the book The Dore Lectures by T. Troward with her remarks afterward:

"'My mind is a center of Divine operation. The Divine operation is always for expansion and fuller expression, and this means the production of something beyond what has gone before, something entirely new, not included in the past experience, though proceeding out of it by an orderly sequence or growth. Therefore, since the Divine cannot change its inherent nature, it must operate in the same manner with me; consequently, in my own special world, of which I am the center, it will move forward to produce new conditions, always in advance of any that have gone before.'

The paragraph inspired me with deep interest to feel that the life-spark in me could bring into my life something entirely new. I did not wish to obliterate my past experience, but that was exactly what Troward said it would not do. The Divine operation would not exclude my past experience, but proceeding out of it would bring some new things that would transcend anything that I had ever experienced before."

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Hallelujah! My subconscious was preparing me for this concept! Just one day before. How bizarre! Clearly, I have picked up on the scent. Weeeee! I truly enjoy this kinda work.

P.S. My boss paid to watch The Secret again today at work!

I am surrounded by beautiful loving people! <3

I RECEIVE Love easily and joyfully.

My Cup...

Yesterday, I dreamt that I was in an ice cream parlour. This cutie, who I have a crush on, was tending the soda fountain. I had a cup with soda in it and I realized that it was cracked. I asked him for a new cup. He told me that he couldn't get me a new cup because his hands were dirty. He said he could help me in another way. He wanted me to turn around and do something like put my hands behind my back. I didn't understand what he was asking me to do so I said, "Oh, that's okay". I was irritated that he couldn't give me another cup like the one I had. Then he said, I can give you a white chocolate cherry cup". (Yummy!) But, I said, "No, that's okay" and so I just stood there holding my broken plastic cup together trying to keep the liquid from spilling.

I woke up thinking Why the heck didn't I take the white chocolate cherry cup?!!! That sounds good! Heck, even better than what I had. I guess the dream was showing me that I wanted what I wanted and couldn't grasp the idea of something better or different. Hmm... Do I have a problem receiving or what? Dang it! Next time I'm taking the white chocolate cherry cup!

I receive Love easily and effortlessly!

The Challenge of Compassion

Thursday, June 15, 2006

"Compassion is only compassion when it's applied to everyone. If it's applied selectively, then it just becomes judgment and hurts more than it helps."

The Secret

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Wow!

If you liked What The Bleep Do We Know? You'll love The Secret.
I've been studying this stuff for a few years now and there are certain books or movies that take me to a new level of understanding. I'm not sure if it's a repetition thing or what. But after watching The Secret,I KNOW things on a deeper level now, if that makes any sense.

I'm begining to UNDERSTAND a lot of things. Not just about the Universe, but about why I'm here.

I've been complaining to Kurls that I feel I have no use, no purpose in this life. And looky here, a quote from the movie. "You have no purpose, other than the purpose you decide. Your mission is the mission you give yourself".
Goodness, it really is a school and so far, I've kinda sucked at it. But I won't place my FOCUS there. After all, I am getting the information I need.

I was going to watch this movie when it first came out in April, but I waited and then the link got lost in my email. Today, I came into work and my boss, told me about a movie I just had to watch today. The Secret. We actually sat at work and watched the movie. How cool was that? One of her daughters sent it to her. I guess it was free on Yahoo for a day or two, but By the time I went to watch it, the link was down. I went to the website and paid a whopping $4.95 to watch it on full screen.

Do it. Do it. Unless of course you have no desire to take responsibility for your life. And you have no desire to lead a life of joyful abundance. And you'd like to blame fate on everything you are in this present moment.
Do it. Do it. This is our evolution! To do, have, and be exactly what we wish.

http://thesecret.tv/home.html

I love YOU!

I am surrounded by beautiful loving people!
(No, I'm not smokin' anything!)

Loving Affirmations

Whatever it takes ;)!

I am a radiant being filled with light and love

I am attracting loving, beautiful people into my life

I am the center of Divine love

I am attracting loving relationships into my life

I love and approve of myself

As I give love, I instantly receive love

The music of love and creativity flow through me now

(sigh) Whatever it takes.

Currently listening : Relaxing Celtic

Getting over the hump

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Boy, some things are a lot tougher than you think! Like, sitting with myself without anything to slow the thoughts except focused deep breathing. It's like riding out a bad trip.

Deep breathing alone alters one's state of consciousness. Most of the time I've been too lazy to simply breath deep. "Hey God (the Source, whatever you wanna call it), put the most potent drug of all right infront of our faces. Heck, why not make it the very thing we need to survive!" So ironic isn't it?
I don't know why I've chosen this time. Perhaps it has chosen me. (brew ha ha ha)

The scariest thing is that I realize my mind can go further on it's own....further than I ever would have imagined. Hmm...maybe that was the whole reason for stunting myself...Certainly not wanting to FEEl too much or actually having to process emotion. It seems easier to stuff it all down or deny it. But someday da bitch is gonna blow!

Yes, there are more important things in this world and more important work to be done than indulging in self-loathing and self-destructive behavior under the guise of assisted enlightenment. Some things just aren't up to you or me. Regardless of the concept of free will. Which brings me to another revelation...the fact that there's no need to obsess about searching for The Truth. Because, The Truth is searching for you and it will find you and bitch slap you awake from your slumber. "Just 5 more minutes!"
Snooze...Snooze....Lord knows I love that snooze button (Kurls too! ;)) We all have to wake up someday. Times up. For me anyway.
AHHHHHHH! Saturn!

P.S. The moral delimma is comming to a close. Like I said, I've stood my ground, been heard and no matter what happens it's all gonna be okay. Because, I can feel it in my gut. I've done the right thing. There was no other option this time.

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Damn this is some CHALLENGING work to say the least. Did I really volunteer for this? Somebody slap me!

Madonna's Bedroom and Another Random Dream

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I've actually dreamt about Madge a few times. This time I was in her bedroom. It was like a palace with crystal chandeliers and lotsa bling. She wasn't there, unfortunately. There was a beautiful light blue gown thrown over a chair. It was chiffon over taffeta with all of these crystal beads. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

Next I saw all of these platform shoes. They were the new cloth style with the ropey platform. They were like 4-6 inches tall. I thought, Damn, those are some high platforms! The end.

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This morning I dreamt of a boy that I was working in a restaurant (Lord forbid!) waiting tables. He kept hanging all over me infront of customers and stuff. I thought he was actually too young for me (believe it or not!). Then, it turned out that he had been gay lovers with a fellow I went to grade school and junior high with. They were lovers while the classmate was in prison! I haven't thought of this person in over 20 years! The classmate is not someone I would think of as ever being gay. I can't imagine him in prision either. His family owned a big farm and he was a nice kid. I wasn't super close. But it's hard not to be close to classmates in a class that only has about 60 students total. Heck, maybe he did become gay.

The really odd thing ,that I have yet to figure out, is why are some people in my dreams people I know and some people are completely new? This guy had no physical or emotional characteristics of anyone I know. He had like his own essence as a few of my dream folks have had. That just freaks me out. I feel like they're real people somewhere...in a parallel existence perhaps! LOL.

An Omen and Addiction

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Some time this morning before waking, my mind reached up into that collective unconscious (yes, that thing again!) and came back with an urgent feeling. Something I had pushed into the back of my head suddenly came rushing forward. I KNEW something was going to go down today with regard to that which I had pushed back into the dark recess of my mind.
I was relieved that it was cool and overcast and didn't give a rats ass about the fact that it is 6606 (Come on! The antichrist is giving that kind of power to a number!)So I went about my day nervous and apprehensive and around 1pm...BAM! Oops there it was... The Omen. The confirmation of the feeling and the fact that I have put myself in a compromising situation and must get out before it's too late. For as self-loving and intelligent as I think I am, I totally allowed myself to be manipulated, played and lied to. Clearly, I've more work to do.

I am pleased with myself for giving myself the heads up on this situation. At least I'm coming through for myself in some way.

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So this brings me to why in the hell I am so tapped in right now. The thing is that as I look back and chart my activity...It's the most active when I have no vice to numb my feelings. I thought it was seasonal, but...nice thought. I think a lot of folk have vices just to interrupt the flow of information. It's too much sometimes. But today, it may have saved me from "total loss of self".

I've mentioned before that almost every morning I read a quote from the companion book to Seat of the Soul. Well, most days, no matter how much I try to turn to another page. I get this quote...

Okay, I turned to that page for 7 days in a row! Do you think I can find it now? I've been looking for 20 minutes! It says something like...

"Your addiction is no stronger than you. It is no stronger than the person you desire to be".

Here's two more:

"The greater the desire of your soul to heal your addiction, the greater will be the cost of keeping it".

"If your addiction lingers, ask yourself if you really want to release it, because in your heart you do not."

Well, beeatch. I'm releasing all of my addictions NOW (except coffee. Come on! A gals gotta have 1 vice!)

I think this "situation" and vice are tied in. I really had no idea how disrespecful I was being to myself. That's an addiction in and of itself. And fear. How embarrassing to admit!

Okay, "imagine yourself as a white ball of healing light...And you open the door and you step inside...where inside our hearts..."

Lucid Dream Alert!

Monday, June 05, 2006

I was in a place that was like a big party. There were lots of people around. There were bars and this entire outside area too. It was like an entire village, or a block party!(LOL) I suddenly realized I was dreaming. I said to a gal infront of me, "Hey, we're in a dream". She looked at me in disbelief. I said, "Watch, I'll put my hand through you." But, it didn't work. She looked at me like I was crazy. So, I went up to another person and waved my hand through him and it worked! Then another part of me took over. I knew there was someone I wanted to find so I scanned the room and saw a man who I knew was the one who might be able to lead me to him. He had a different vibe. He was more real or more alert. Most of the folk were oblivious to the dream, but he knew what was going on. He was tall and thin with a bald head. Kinda scary looking.
So, I walked up to him and asked him if he knew so-and-so (no, not l.b. Okay I have to stop with that...forgiveness... I now embody forgiveness.). To my surprise he said, "yes". I asked him to get him for me. He walked away and then the one I asked for walked out(I'm not sure why I picked him.). I was stunned that all I had to do was ask. I looked at him real close to make sure he wasn't just your average dream character. He was kind of dazed and out of it. He's features were right on. He had on a bright royal blue shirt (2nd time I've dreamed of a guy wearing blue)and jeans. I was thinking what a bright blue shirt it was. That's the only color of clothing I remember seeing in the entire dream. Except the woman I tried to put my arm through. Her shirt was purple.

We walked around together hand in hand. I can't remember much of our conversation (damn it!). I did tell him that I enjoyed his company and wanted to be friends. He said something like, no one wears another's ribbons. Whatever the hell that meant. AT the time I though it was about no one belonging to a single individual. Something like that. But now that doesn't seem right. I don't think I'm remembering the wording correctly. Maybe it was like military ribbons...I don't know...

Then we were separated in a crowd of people and I was walking around calling his name and asking people if they had seen him. All the while thinking to myself, Wow, I can't believe how conscious I still am.

I became tired of looking for him and realized that if he wanted to find me, he would.

That was it for the lucid dream. I really need to have a better plan when I wake up in a dream. Seeing the fellow was fine, but I don't know, I think there's more I could do and why didn't I leave the party?

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Next I fell into a dream where I had long red hair. But, my bangs were too long and kept getting in my eyes. Then it turned out that I had a wig on. (don't like that symbolism!) My real hair was still red, but a darker red.

Hmm... Weird day today. Definitely getting the weird vibe...

Are you talkin' to me?

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Oh my gawd. I loooove synchronisities. I was having a conversation with an un-named person in the mirror. Then I realized how absurd it was. I started making fun of myself and kept saying, "Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to ME?" I was killing myself. Then I mosied into my bedroom still chuckling to myself and read my horoscope for the week! LOL!

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Many Leos are falling in love now, and I'm not sure why. One thing is certain: next year is a shoo-in for wonderful love affairs and romance. Major vacations are likely then as well. So what's happening now? I figure Leos are priming the pump. (Testing parts to see if they're still working.) Mars is now in Leo for the next seven weeks and Mars is a sexy planet! It heightens your aggression, your energy, your libido and your sexy allure. It gives you lots of energy and makes you much more of a fighter for your rights. In the next two months -- your individuality matters. Oh yeah! ("Are you talkin' to me?") This is a very positive time in your life. (Deliveries of flowers and chocolates not accepted before noon.)

So... Are you talkin' to me?!!!

P.S. "Falling in love" = Bite me! (no bitterness here)"Heightened libido" = the LAST thing I need! Yeah, thanks Mars!

http://www.georgianicols.com/weekly/

One of the worst things...

in the world is being depressed and being WIDE AWAKE with NO VICE! There's no sleeping it off this time. Damn you Mars (Mars has moved into Leo). The nerrrrrrrve!

Umm, excuse me but I'm done now. I'm ready to go home...

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When I was in college, or so many years ago, a friend of mine had a sister who slept ALL the time. Seriously. She was only up for about 8 hours a day. You see, she believed that her dream world was the real world and this "waking world" was a hellish nightmare. She opted to spend most of her time frolicking in dreamland. I thought she was a bit off and maybe in need of some medication. But, of course like all things I've judged it has come home to roost. I totally understand now. There is so much beauty in dreamland. It makes "waking" life unbearable. Those who don't dream, maybe you're lucky. Why I was ever awaken from my peaceful ignorant slumber I have no idea. Being "awake" is quite useless really.

New Dream Lover

Wow, I had an interesting dream this morning. I kind of don't know what to think except that my dream world is so much more interesting than this "waking" world.

I was out-of-body. Just my consciousness was floating around in a room. I could hear voices coming from the next room. I heard a boy's voice. He said something like, "I will always be your friend. You don't have to worry. No matter what our relationship, I will always be there for you. In fact, you'll probably get sick of me!".

I floated into the next room to see who was talking and it was a fellow and me! Next I was in my body in the room. This guy and I were lovers. He was sweet and kind. We were kissing and giggling like kids. He was laying on top of me and I took his face in my hands and said, "let me look at your face. I want to remember what you look like so that I will recognize you when I see you down there." He sat up on top of me and I looked into his eyes and at first I was startled because they were black pools. But then his face morphed and he looked like, God help me, a fellow I see on occassion. A striking resemblance at least. I even thought that right there, Oh he looks like so-and-so.

The interesting thing is that I was thinking his eyes are a different color. But really, he didn't have eyes. I know it sounds scary and all, but it wasn't. It was that I could see right into his soul. He didn't have whites to his eyes, it was just an open window to his soul. He was beautiful.

Then we giggled again and kissed again. He turned sideways and when I saw his profile, he looked completely different. In fact he looked of a different ethnicity. Kind of indian like. He had tan skin. (I realize that "profile" could be taken as symbolic. Especially as I blog on MySpace.)

So then we got up and he picked me up and was carrying me into the bedroom. He had tears in his eyes. They weren't sorrowful tears or anything. The last thing I remember was thinking how lucky I was to have such loving male energy as a friend and lover. I kissed him several times.

Then my alarm went off (damn it!)and I thought I woke up. I was trying to turn it off but it wouldn't shut off. Then I really woke up and turned off my alarm. I laid there for a minute thinking, that was nice. And If he is who he resembled, I'm gonna kick his ass when we get back to the other side for not keeping his word! LOL.

I love dreams like that, because they are different. I was somewhat conscious and it felt as if it was really taking place.

(Sigh)Who was that sweet soul and where is he?! Damn it!

True Love <3

Thursday, June 01, 2006

"All humanity should walk the path of love. True peace and a world of joy cannot be realized without love. Happiness is the same. Can you feel happiness alone? You can only feel true happiness when you are able to have a reciprocal relationship of love with another.

Freedom is the same. You cannot experience freedom alone; it can only be achieved through love and within love. You don't feel tired in the place of true love. No matter how exhausted you are, if you are intoxicated with love and you burst into tears out of love then your tiredness will suddenly disappear. When you feel true love you don't feel hungry or tired. Also you do not feel afraid of death."

I've been thinkin' about the concept of True Love. I always tend to think of True Love as something between a couple. Two people. The more I've been reading about the different ideas of True Love the more I see that True Love is much more than Love between two individuals. It is love for all people and all of life.
Supposedly we should love everyone the same and have no favorites. That one I kind of have a hard time with. I can love everyone, but there are still those who I'm not going to want to be around as much. You know? There will always be folks who's company I enjoy more.

True Love seems impossible on this earth. People love (or think they do) very selfishly. I have in the past. That's not love. Only giving love to your significant other and if things go wrong... hating the rest of the world isn't True Love. Loving someone regardless of their relationship to you is True Love. Even if they reject your friendship and Love. Hmm... so much to learn I'm exhausted.

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I am exhausted. I've been touching a lot of people at work lately (6-8 a day). It should be invigorating. I must be doing something wrong or taking on too much of their stuff. I feel drained. It takes discipline to clear my mind everytime and hold a space (hee hee) for them. But I know that when I lay my hands on another person that I am on sacred ground. I take it very seriously. Touch is one of the most powerful things we posses.

I have to constantly talk people down and reassure and educate. I've become an expert at dealing with bitchy 20 year old gals. (No offense to any of my 20 yr old pals!) It's all insecurity and lack of humility. They think they own the world. I know what's in store for them so I feel for them. Sincerely. I really do. Just wait until your late 20's. Then there's the early 30's. Then...
So I am compassionate and understanding with their terse attitudes and snappy remarks. Aren't they lucky? They leave happy.

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I was able to practice compassion the other day at Ralph's. A gal was holding up the line having a clerk run around for her looking for some champaigne. She was all, "Thanks hon". She was being overtly sexual and flirty. At first I was like, Bitch, no one cares. Then I didn't like the way that felt, so I started thinking about what would evoke that type of behavior. Well, ego for one. And ego is very painful. Her ego needed to be the center of attention. She needed to stand out from the rest because she needed others to see that she was special. I started to feel sorry for her. And then a strange thing happened. The woman infront of me turned around and smiled at me a knowing smile. Not mean. Not bitchy. Just a knowing smile. It was compassionate. Suddenly, the gal who was holding up the line transformed right before my eyes. She became really quiet and really somber. All of that energy she was giving off completely imploded on her. It was so bizarre to watch. Then I felt for her even more, because I was right.

That was practicing True Love in a way. Not necessarily judging her, but knowing her behavior. How do I know it? Because I've been there. It's not a pretty place.

The facinating thing is that when we (the collective line) didn't give her the energy that she wanted (jealousy, anger, contempt) she changed. Simply facinating...

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Damn, my client is 30 minutes early! I hate that! Okay...I'm finding my joyful compassionate place...

Happy Memorial Day

Monday, May 29, 2006

Yeah, my first offical day off since Easter! Woo Woo. I slept in until 9:30am and then woke up with a headache. I didn't leave the apartment, except to go to the gym.

I was thinkin' about the concept of Memorial Day and how it's all about the 3 day weekend. I started thinking about how I "forget" that a lot of the men in my family are ex-military. My Grandpa Chambers (r.i.p) My dad and almost all of my uncles.

Grandpa Chambers stands out the most to me as a military man. He was Air Force (Yes, it is too military...don't me a snob! You know who you are.) Anyway, the last year of his life he travelled the U.S. saying goodbye to all of his family. He stopped in San Diego to say goodbye to my uncle Bob and myself. (Uncle Bob = Vietnam vet. Wounded in action, discharged then returned to Vietnam to save his little brother, my uncle Jerry, from having to go. God Bless Uncle Bob.)

The main thing my grandfather wanted us to know was his part in the Aluetian War. "The Forgotten Battle". The Japanese really did almost occupy American soil! Who knew? It's not really talked about. I only know because my grandfather decided to tell me the last year of his life. He had never talked about his Air Force days before. Ever.

I bring him up, because he wanted to be remembered for contributing something to the bigger picture. He was so proud to have served his country. I'm still not sure why he waited so long to share his story. But, I'm glad he did.
I also think about the number of Marines we are losing everyday in Iraq. I see the numbers in the paper daily. "Oh, 4 more. Oh 6 today". I honestly, do go there and think about the families and the young lives lost.
Of course I'm against war. Who isn't? Besides, the obvious. But, living is San Diego, you can't avoid the military. I have a friend who's a Chief in the Navy. Several clients who are Navy and Marine Officers and my fabulous new roomie who is a Nurse in the Navy and who will be leaving for Iraq in August/September. She volunteered to go with purpose. She'll be taking care of the Marines over there. They'll be in good hands.

So I'm thinking about our brothers and sisters who have served and are currently serving our country.

Thank you.

Info on the Aleutian War

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_II:_Aleutian_Islands

http://www.explorenorth.com/library/military/aleutian_war-usarmy.html

A few revelations

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Revelation #1 When you operate from a place of True Love, nothing can harm you. I want to live this. I really want to be able to love people as they are not for what they can or cannot give me. It's a reocurring theme. It keeps coming back around for me and I just can't deal with it anymore. I don't want to be hurt or jealous or angry. I don't want to want something from someone that they cannot give me. Be it friendship or love. I no longer want to take rejection personally. I just want to accept people as they are and allow them to be right were they are supposed to be in their evolutionary process. I really really need to live it now. I can't carry the burden any longer.

Revelation #2 A solid foundation must first slowly be built in order to have a quality lasting relationship. Trust must slowly be built through experiencing the relationship. I truly desire patience. I want to be able to allow something to unfold instead of rushing in and destroying it. Or throwing a fit if it's not in a time frame that I deem acceptable. I haven't figured out why I don't have more patience. Maybe it's that I'm still believing in the illusions of separation and linear time. Perhaps I simply lack faith.

Revelation #3 I still feel I am not good enough or deserving enough for certain things that are rightfully mine...

Revelation #4 The secret to life is humor. The ability to laugh at the obsurdity of it all. Especially myself being the dramatic Leo that I am.

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I had a nice dream last night. I was watching a handsome guy playing piano and singing when suddenly, he started singing one of the songs I've written. I was shocked. He smiled at me. I knew that he must've gone through all of my dozens of tapes to find that song.

The song is about the mythology of the Hero's journey. But in the song he's not coming home a hero or a millionaire or anything of the like. He did not conquer the outside world, because he has yet to conquer himself. Of course, he has a will which has a way...

I was listening to him sing and play and he did a better job than me. The interesting part is that I wasn't jealous that he could sing my song better than me. I was just glad that he could relate to it and felt the need to channel it. Oh, and at the end of the song he said, "that was U2". I was like, No, that was me, I wrote the song. But I'm sure he meant you too!

That was it for the dream. I don't think I've ever dreamed of my songs after they've been written. Hmm... and who was that cute guy singin' my song?

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I had sleep paralysis when I was trying to wake up from my nap the other day. I hate that! I thought I couldn't breath. I couldn't move. I was trying everything to will myself awake. I even tried to get up. Sometimes you can trigger an OBE from sleep paralysis. I was too far gone. Finally I gasped awake. I really had to use my will to do it. I suppose it was a good exercise. I felt like I had been drugged and was trying to fight it off. Awful.

The night before last I dreamt I was going to open a door and some girl reached for it too and when I got it first she said, "Fuck you". I then proceeded to threaten her and smack her face. I told her, "You can't talk to people that way and expect them to just ignore your rudeness." Two of her friends came up and I was ready to take them on too. I was going to kick all their asses. So glad I could embody compassionate understanding! I guess I'm finally getting to the point where I won't have to prove that I can kick someones ass. I can just step away from the situation. because, I felt awful after smacking her and threatening her. I knew I could kick all their butts, so why did I chose to go to the darkside with them?

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More on dem crows
Ever since the crow dream, crow activity has increased outside near my balcony. Thank goodness, my roommate was there to witness some of it.
We were out on the balcony when the crows started cawing like crazy and then other birds began screaming too. Suddenly two crows flew, screatching right at us. Each one was beng chased by a mourning dove. They came right towards us but then turn at the last minute. They may have been after the mourning dove nestlings or something. It was pretty intense. Then the one crow came back and was sitting in a tree cawing like crazy for about 10 minutes!

I watched the crows today stalking the hummingbird tree. Bad crows. Don't go after the babies! I don't like knowing that the crows are such a nuisance to other birds by going after their young. Must research positive crow medicine!

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Later... Wow, just what I have been writing about! Also, note in the Hero song, He's losing all sense of magic in the air.

Show me the magic!

Keeper of the Sacred Law
Crows are the keepers of the Sacred Lawand to have a Crow totem is very powerful.

Personal Integrity are your watchwordsand your guide in Life.If you have a Crow totem, your prime path is to be mindful of your opinions and actions.You must be willing to walk your talk,to speak your truth and to know your life's mission.

Crow is a omen of Change. Crow lives in the void and has no sense of time,therefore, it sees past, present and future simultaneously.Crow merges both light and dark, both inner and outer.It is the totem of the Great Spiritand must be respected as such.

They are symbols of creation and spiritual strength.Look for opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life.Crows are messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive in the world todayand available to us.

http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/crow.htm

Caw Caw!